Let me say upfront this article probably isn’t what you think it is. If you’re looking for a few tantric tips, or an exposé on how being extra-bendy can make you a better lover then you’ll be sadly disappointed! Instead, my intent is to reflect on sex within the context of yoga as a spiritual practice.

In the west we have largely lost sight of the real purpose of yoga. The practice of asana has become an end in its own right – simply another method in the pursuit of physical perfection.  In the east however, yoga is understood to be a path to liberation or ‘enlightenment’.

Underpinning yogic philosophy are the Yamas and Niyamas – ten ethical precepts that inform our choices on the path to enlightenment (not unlike the Ten Commandments).  Amongst these is Brahmacharya which is widely translated as celibacy, but can be better understood as directing sexual energy in a way that is of service to ourselves and others.

Sadly, I think one of the unforeseen consequences of the sexual revolution has been the devaluing and commodification of sex. As a result a lot of sex is certainly not of positive service – in fact it’s often personally and socially destructive.

We’ve confused the idea of sex with intimacy. We see sex as a substitute for intimacy, rather than its’ ultimate expression.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m all for good sex! But in my experience the best sex is based in connection, understanding and trust. Great sex entails honesty and vulnerability – both physical and emotional. And when it’s an expression of love (not so much the romantic kind – but the spiritual kind) sex can be a deeply life-affirming, almost sacred experience. Tantric sexual practices are indeed based on this belief – using sexual union as a metaphor for weaving together the physical and the spiritual: weaving man to woman, and humanity to the divine.

Unfortunately I think many of us search for connection and validation through sex.  This might work short term, but in the end it leaves you feeling empty, and leads to a disconnection of body, mind and spirit.

It is not my intention to judge. I recognise that as adults we have biological drives, but I’ve come to believe through experience and through yoga that these needs must be balanced with understanding the impact, on ourselves and others, of sharing (and withholding) our sexual energy.